Parenting Gamers

Expanding Parenting Gamers’ Mission

super-baby

I love New Year’s day. And I’m not saying that because it’s my birthday (which it is) (and I accept cash, checks, and Best Buy/Steam gift cards 😉 ) I love the opportunity to reflect on the last year and look forward to the next.

I have been reflecting on Parenting Gamers and its direction a lot over the last couple months. My initial mission here was to help parents use video games to connect with their gamers. I wanted to educate parents about video games hoping that eventually they would want to sit down and play with their gamers.

I did this by pumping out a lot of information. I gave you vocabulary. I told you about some of the big games out there. I showed you how to evaluate the games your gamer is playing.

The thing is, I want to do more. I want to help you not only know your gamer but also guide and direct your gamer.

I am coming to the point in my journey as a parent where I believe one of the most important things I can do for my kids is help them figure out who they are and then empower them to be that person. And that is what I want to help you do as well.

This train of thought was inspired by Joe Budish. In his article about video games, he talks about being frustrated with kids who sit in front of the TV playing video games all the time instead of exploring the big world out there.

I can’t stand hearing of a teenage boy with all the time in the world, so many resources at his disposal, a supportive family, a ton of potential, and so much to be discovered about himself and the world who instead is content to spend a good chunk of his middle school life in front of a TV screen.

The key phrase in that quote is “so much to be discovered about himself and the world”. Your gamer is just starting to figure out who he is. Sitting in front of the TV all day, every day does not help him do this.

He will begin to figure out who he is by trying new things. I am a programmer by trade. I love sitting down at a computer and building a program from scratch. However, I did not know this about myself until my first programming class my senior year of high school. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life before then. That class opened my eyes to a whole new, amazing world that I wanted to join.

Now, I am not saying throw away video games. I still believe video games are an amazing vehicle for connecting with other people, including your children. I also believe you can use video games to help your gamer know himself.

For example, I wrote in my book about Minecraft how you can use it to find out what makes your gamer tick. Asking questions about why he loves it can give you a hint at other things he might really get into.

So my mission here at Parenting Gamers will be to equip you not only to be able to connect with your gamer through video games but also to use video games to guide them on the journey of knowing themselves. I will be unpacking how I am going to do this in the next few days.

4 Questions To Start A Conversation With Your Gamer

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Having a real conversation with your gamer

As a parent, it can sometimes feel like your kids are speaking a completely different language. This is especially true when they are talking about a hobby or interest you do not know much about. I have a whole series of posts designed to address this very issue.

However, knowing the vocabulary does not necessarily make it easy to start a conversation with your gamer. How do you get the ball rolling? Here are 4 questions to help you get started.

  1. What are you playing? – This is an easy one. They are playing something. This question can get the ball rolling.

    Follow-up questions – What do you like/not like about it? Does it have a story? If so, what is it about? Are you playing with your friends?

  2. What games are you excited about? – This question will help you know what’s on your gamer’s radar. Most gamers are looking forward to at least one, if not multiple, games. Finding out about those games accomplishes a few things for you.

    1. It helps you connect with something close to your gamer’s heart. Anticipation is a powerful thing. It is also something that wants to be shared.
    2. It gives you an idea for a gift for your gamer. You could score some big time brownies points by getting them that must have game.
    3. It gives you an opportunity to scope out the game beforehand. This can help you preempt their disappointment if the game they are excited about falls outside your boundaries.

    Follow-up questions – Why are you excited about it? When does it come out?

  3. Have you heard of/what do you think about [XYZ Game]? – You have probably heard about certain video games from your circle of influence. Maybe a friend is talking about their kid playing Minecraft or the news is talking about Grand Theft Auto. Asking this question can start the conversation with your gamer about that particular game.

    Be careful with this question, though. Gamers are a defensive bunch, especially when they feel video games are under attack. You do not want to say something like, “I heard about this game called Grand Theft Auto and how terrible it is. Don’t you think it’s terrible?” You have just started an argument, not a conversation.

    Instead, ask them what they think about the game and really listen to their answer. Let them know that you value their opinion and are genuinely interested in what they think.

    Follow-up questions – Have you played it? Do your friends play it? What do you think about the uproar over it (if there is one)?

  4. What is the best/worst game you have ever played? – One thing about gamers, we are an opinionate bunch. If we love a game, we will tell you. If we do not, we’ll tell you that too. This question will allow your gamer to express some of those opinions.

    Follow-up questions – What made it great/terrible? Were you surprised it was so good/bad? What makes it better/worse than other similar games?

These questions can help you get to the heart of your gamer. It may take some time to get them to open up, especially if you have had fights over video games in the past, but it will be well worth it.

Making The Most Of Snow Days

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Image by ilkerender, Creative Commons

Man, it’s been a rough winter. We have not had it as bad in Tennessee as other parts of the country but it has still made for some tough days.

Yesterday my oldest was out of school for a snow day. She always gets excited when that happens. However it can make for a long day.

By the end of the day, my wife and I were spent. Entertaining 3 kids, all under 6, inside all day is a lot of work. So after dinner, I said, “Let’s play Mario!”

My kids love to play New Super Mario Bros on the Wii. The controls are simple enough for them even at their ages. And I enjoy it because it is an awesome game.

So we all sat down to play. Even the 1-year-old sat on the couch with her controller. We all took turns picking a level to play through. It was a great time to connect with them while entertaining them at the same time.

Afterwards, my wife and I were talking about the importance of not letting snow days slip by. It would be easy to get frustrated and just be ready for the day to end. The harder choice is to come up with something to do that honors who my children are.

My challenge to you is to not let snow days or sick days or other out of the norm days slip away. Take the opportunity to meet your gamer where they are. They probably relish the extra time to play. Sit down with them and play or just watch. Ask them about what they are playing. Get them to explain what is happening on the screen.

But most of all, be present. Let them know you care and are interested. That little bit of effort will go a long way.

3 Ways to Connect with Your Gamer Without Playing

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Twitch Home

The best way to connect with your gamer is the play with them. However, it can be extremely intimidating when you have no experience. The good news is, it is possible to connect with your gamer through video games without learning to play.

The rise of high speed internet has facilitated the rise of video online. YouTube is one of the biggest sites on the internet. Twitch.tv is growing like gang busters. Now, more than ever, you have the ability to watch other people play.

It may sound weird to say you can connect with your gamer through watching other people play. I mean, the main benefit of video games is that they are interactive. So what is the benefit of watching someone else?

My answer to that question is, the same benefit you get from watching sports. I grew up playing soccer. I played all the way through high school and was pretty good at it. However, I was no where near professional level.

When I watch the pros play, I have an appreciation for how good they really are. They can do things I never could. But they also do things I would like to try. I may not succeed but it gives me an idea of what is possible.

The same thing is true with video games. I play a lot of games. I am even pretty good at some of them. But I am no where near as good as the pros. (Yes, professional gamers exist.)

Watching them play gives me a deeper understanding of the game. It also gives me a greater appreciation for the talent of the gamer playing the game and the developer who created it.

With that in mind, there are 3 ways you can watch others play right now.

Let’s Plays/Speed Runs on YouTube

The easiest place to start is YouTube. All you need to do is search for the name of the game you are interested in and “let’s play” or “speed run”. A “let’s play” will be someone playing through the game, normally with commentary. A “speed run” will be someone trying to accomplish something specific as quickly as possible.

Here are a couple channels I recommend to get you started.

  • TotalBiscuit, The Cynical Brit - The best thing about TotalBiscuit’s channel is his WTF is series. In it, he gives you his first impressions of the game. His commentary and production are top notch.
  • SpeedDemosArchiveSDA - This channel is all about speed runs. These are videos of player running through games as quickly as possible. The games tend to be older. It is fascinating to see how skilled these players are in these games. I recommend the Super Meat Boy, Super Metroid, and A Link To The Past runs.

Streams on Twitch

The videos on YouTube are pre-recorded. The last couple years has seen the rise of streaming. This allows you to watch someone play in real-time, normally with commentary. The best site for it right now is Twitch.

You will see a list of the games with the most current streams when you first hit the home page. You can also search for any game you are interested in.

Not all games will have a stream associated with them. You may search for something and come up empty. Most of the big games, however, will have several streams from which to choose.

E-Sports Events

The rise of video and streaming has led to the rise of e-sports. These are the professionals. Games like Starcraft 2, League of Legends, and DOTA 2 all have high dollar tournaments.

One of the main organizations running e-sports right now is the MLG (Major League Gaming). You can watch the tournaments live online. They have commentators to help you understand what is going on. This is a great way to get an idea of what is possible in some of the most competitive games out there.

The matches in these tournaments can get pretty intense. It is exciting to watch two people who are masters of their game go at it. I highly recommend watching some of these matches with your gamer.